Triumphant Return and the Dunce of the Month Awards

It has been a couple of weeks... or months... since I've been able to post anything, not for lack of material because I've had plenty to rant about during this time. Since my last post, my fiance and I have gone through about a dozen different wedding plans and have finally settled on a few ideas. At this point, everything seems to be falling into place and we're hoping it stays that way! (To those of you that have been through this before, I would really prefer not to hear you tell me about how stressful, difficult, and expensive planning a wedding is. Erica and I would like to stay in our happy little bubble for the time being.)

Also, I've returned to the Chautauqua Institution for another summer's worth of employment. This is my 8th consecutive summer returning to the bookstore and this year I got to take on a new and exciting adventure as the guy that sells lecture CD's. It is a great change of scenery and I get to be outdoors for eight hours a day. I get to listen to wonderful lectures every day given by experts in their respective fields. I also get the chance to meet people from all over the world. But... if you are from the Chautauqua Lake area, you have an idea of some possible drawbacks that come along with our county's seasonal tourist industry (and I'm going to leave it at that). Oh yeah... I also get to see every fanny pack that survived the early 1990's.

Now for some fun. I've decided that I'm going to try to keep up on some more current events besides things that happen in the sports (and Buffalo Bills) world. We've all heard about the so called "Oil Crisis" in the Gulf. I honestly do not see the need to refer to the situation as a crisis. I would refer to it as complete and utter incompetence with a side of disgusting British greed. Its absolutely ridiculous that it took them months to just "put a cork in it." With modern science and technology, it should have been done with days after the initial leak. But no... instead BP wasted millions of gallons of oil per day, killed countless wildlife, and showed just how much apathy a group of people with extreme monetary wealth can show. Boy, am I glad that the U.S. Congress brought their CEO in and verbally slapped him on the wrist for a few hours. That showed them (extreme sarcasm).

So I've decided to give BP CEO Tony Hayward my first "Dunce of the Month" award. Congrats Tony! You're officially the current biggest loser in my (rather small and insignificant) book of people that I think should play in traffic. Wouldn't it be poetic justice if he did actually play in traffic and got hit by a car carrying a full tank of BP gasoline? One could only wish!


In other news, the "Barefoot Bandit" has been caught. If you haven't been following the story, some punk teenager broke out of juvie and went on a crime spree across the western seaboard, breaking into houses and stealing small airplanes. I don't care what you happen to think about this kid, but I think he's an absolute douche bag. The whole situation is similar to the Bucky Phillips situation that we had here a few years ago. This kid had all sorts of people offering him asylum and giving him help along the way. Shame on all of them for thinking that this little kleptomaniac is some kind of hero. Check out his Facebook fan page, if you feel like a good laugh. It full of a bunch of little brats thinking that turd boy should get away with what he did because he outsmarted the cops. Bulls***! Lock him up and throw away the key. It's people like him and the people that build him up to be a hero that are giving my generation a poor image. Not to mention, the genius that started his fan page on Facebook writes like someone that failed 2nd grade grammar.

So my second "Dunce of the Month" award goes to the fan page author's teachers for failing to teach this moron any form of basic grammar skills and moral competence. Mr. or Mrs. Worst Teacher Ever, you get a gold star in my book of "People Whose Job I Should Have if it Weren't for Our Education System's Ridiculous Reliance on the System of Teacher Tenure"!

What's The Matter With Parents These Days?

I recently stumbled upon a blog posting that compared school in 1957 to our present day schools. It gave a scenario and then how that situation would be responded to in 1957 and 2009. For example, Johnny won't sit still and disrupts class. In 1957, Johnny is sent to the principal's office, gets paddled, goes back to class and sits still. In 2009, Johnny is given large doses of Ritalin, becomes a zombie and is labeled as ADHD. The school gets a large sum of money for having a student with a disability.

While I have strong feelings against corporal punishment, these are things that I see going on in schools all of the time. Instead of taking care of issues we try to hide them. We are always worried about hurting people's feelings. This starts with the parents. Parents these days often either do not care or are so overprotective of their children that teachers have to tiptoe around these kids because their afraid of parent backlash.

Let's take a look at some new scenarios.

1. Buddy does not stand or acknowledge the Pledge of Allegiance. 
    1957 - The teacher tells Buddy to stand and gives patriotic reasons to stand. Buddy stands for the Pledge.
    2010 - The teacher tells Buddy to stand and gives patriotic reasons to stand. Buddy tells parents. Parents call ACLU. ACLU contacts school, teacher has to apologize to Buddy and parents.

2. Timmy tries out for the football team despite being terrible at football.
    1957 - Timmy gets cut from football team, is sad but excels in other extracurricular activities. Timmy receives scholarship for being well rounded.
    2010 - Timmy gets cut from football team. Timmy's parents call school to complain. Timmy is allowed back on the football team. Timmy gets hurt -OR- Ex-high school football star father beats Timmy up for not being good at football. Timmy develops psychological issues.

3. Joey strikes out in the last inning of a baseball game in the last game of the season.
    1957 - Dad pats Joey on the back and tells him that there's always next year. Joey asks dad to help him work on baseball skills during the off season. Joey is a much better hitter in 1958.
    2010 - Dad yells at umpire and gets ejected. On the way out, Dad punches the father of the opposing team's pitcher and gets arrested. Joey never plays baseball again and ends up in therapy with Timmy.

4.  Teacher gives a writing assignment that Mary has trouble completing.
    1957 - Mary struggles but completes assignment. Mary learns from assignment and does better on future assignments. Mary goes to college and is successful in life.
    2010 - Mary struggles and complains about assignment to mom. Mom completes assignment for Mary. Mary gets an A but learns nothing. Mom continues to complete Mary's writing assignments. Mary goes to college and fails out because she cannot write.

I'm not saying that all parents are bad and that they need to stay out of their kids' lives. They are a lot of great, involved parents out there. What I am saying is that people need to stop being so sensitive about things. Teachers and coaches are not out there to make kids' lives miserable. As a teacher, I can assure you of that. At some point, these kids are going to have to grow up and fend for themselves. How can we expect kids to be successful members of society when they have parents that enable or demonstrate such horrible behavior?

Professional Sports Are Going Green... But Not Environmentally!

So at this point, we're doomed. The NFL failed to negotiate properly between it's owners and the players association and we're looking at an uncapped year as far as free agency goes. What does this mean? Well, it means that teams can pay free agents and draftees as much as they want. It also means that we could potentially see the same polarization of the league that is ruining baseball.

Let's take a look at what is happening to baseball. Since the loss of any form of salary cap (we all remember the lock out back in 1994), professional baseball players are now making ridiculous and exorbitant amounts of money. There are individual players on some of the larger market teams that make nearly as much as entire organizations. Again, what does this mean for the rest of us? It means that we're going to see the same five or six teams compete for the World Series every year. Occasionally you may find a team with some young "under payed" talent make a run at it, but you're always going to see teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, or Phillies in the mix. Every year the owners are in a bidding war for the championship. Do you think it is a coincidence that Yankees won the World Series in 2009 and also payed their team about $65,000,000 more than anyone else? Great job, Mr. Steinbrenner! You've successfully drafted the ultimate fantasy baseball team! The Yankees are not a good baseball team. They are an All Star team that was assembled through the cavernous pockets of the Steinbrenner family. It disgusts me that people can still be their fans.

Now we can look to see the same from professional football. Before we know it you will see the teams with the biggest markets and wealthiest owners in every Super Bowl. To this point, the salary cap has in many ways leveled the playing field. Teams couldn't shell out hundreds of millions of dollars to one or two players because they needed to save cap room for other positions. Without a cap, we're in big trouble. You can already see first round draft picks making big bucks. Last year's top five draftees signed either five or six year deals, all for over $50,000,000 without even touching a football! Imagine what these numbers will grow to without a salary cap in the near future.

If you get a chance and haven't done so already, check out the movie BASEketball. While the movie is riddled with dirty humor, it has a great message (much like episodes of South Park which is written by the same guys that wrote and starred in this movie). The money aspect of professional sports takes away from the game. I agree that these guys deserve compensation for their talents, but it is getting out of hand. Professional sports are getting unbearable with rumors of lockouts or players holding out for more money. Just play! When did the hard nosed, block headed, and bloodied warriors of the National Football League turn into prima donna sissies only concerned about gold chains, sports cars, and bank accounts?

Is It Acceptable For a Buddhist to Lie Through His Busted Teeth?

In the midst of epic procrastination, I have found myself finally getting a chance to watch the Tiger Woods statement from this past Friday. I must say that it lived up (or down) to my expectations. At no point during the entire 10 minutes of his dramatic staring into the camera and pausing after every few words did he say anything that I found to be believable.

During the statement he says "It is not what you achieve in life, it's what you overcome." This statement seems to have been the driving force for his whole career. From the very start, all that was talked about was what he has had to overcome as an African American golfer or as the youngest guy on the course. What?! He's never had to overcome anything of any importance to the world. All he's had to overcome, prior to his current situation, is a father that forced him into golf before he could even walk.

Here's some advice Tiger, if you want to overcome this one, just keep it in your pants!

I think my favorite part of the statement is the point in which Tiger brings up his faith in Buddhism. He tells us that Buddhism teaches us that "a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security" and that it teaches him to "stop following every impulse and practice restraint." He admits that he's lost track of these teachings.

I would like to ask this question, when exactly did he lose track of these ideas? And I would argue that it was long before he started sleeping around with waitresses, bartenders and strippers. What about all of the multimillion dollar endorsements? Now that he's getting "back on track," is he going to give this lifestyle up in order to properly follow his Buddhist faith? Some how I highly doubt this will be the case.

How about some more advice, Tiger, get some acting lessons because I didn't buy a word of it.

To those that keep saying golf can't survive without Tiger: Get a life! Golf was just fine before he came along and it will get along just as good without him. And while I'm at it, the thousands of you that he mentions that sent him the emails and letters of support, you can get a life too! Do you really think he read any of that crap? I'm fairly certain that he didn't. And do you really think that he truthfully cares? Again, I don't think so, Tim. (Home Improvement reference)

And to the rest of us that have the ability to see through the crap and know what he did was wrong and that he's just saying this stuff so people will buy his golf equipment again, thank you for not being ignorant! Tiger Woods is no saint (or whatever the Buddhists have)... He's just another athlete with too much money and no sense of right or wrong.

No More Bent Over Fatties

The National Football League has been making headlines lately for the progress that they’re making in trying to prevent concussion as well as the research into the long term effects of these injuries. I think the NFL is taking a giant step forward. They’re finally showing a sense of accountability. Former and current players are speaking out about the adverse effects that they experience as a result of repeated and frequent blows to the head.

Rules are also changing. Helmet to helmet contact has been outlawed for some time now. Also, rules regarding blows to the head on unprotected quarterbacks are growing stricter and stricter. But at some point these rules are going to go too far and I think we’ve about reached that point.

NFL officials are now discussing the prospect of outlawing the three point stance. Are you freakin’ kidding me? I understand that the game is changing, but the three point stance is as big a part of football as tailgating or touchdowns. Could you picture all of these 300 plus pounders standing upright across from each other getting ready to play patty cake?

I see that a lot of offensive linemen, especially tackles, have switched to a two point stance on a more regular basis. The NFL is also becoming more of a pass oriented league and the two point stance would give the offensive lineman an advantage in pass protection. One thing that you rarely ever see is a defensive tackle without a hand on the ground. This potential decision just reflects another attempt by the NFL to increase the advantage given to offenses. Already, quarterbacks can only be hit in an area of their body smaller than most MLB umpires’ strike zones, but let’s not keep them from getting hit completely by turning our defensive lineman 300 pound standing blocking dummies.

All I ask is that we leave the three point stance alone. It is every large man's right to get into a three point stance and barrel into a mirror image of himself. The concussions are not being caused by slow moving lineman running into each other with a two step head start for momentum. The concussions take place when people play stupid, dirty, or don’t keep their head on the proverbial swivel (something that they’re taught from the first time they put a helmet on).

Who's Your Hero?

The majority of what I have written so far has been about sports, mainly my thoughts on the high jinks taking place in Buffalo. So I thought I would switch gears here and discuss something a little different.

Over the past year, children have not had a lot to look up to. It seems we constantly see star athletes getting arrested for gun possession or drugs or illegal dog fighting rings. These potential role models are literally getting away with murder. And what’s worse, is that our nation’s court system allows this to go on.

For example, Danté Stallworth kills a man with his car, driving over the speed limit, blows a 0.12 (well over the legal intoxication limit) and gets away with 30 days in jail, community service, probation, and the permanent loss of his driver’s license in Florida. Come on! Had that been you or me, we first of all wouldn’t have been charged with manslaughter, it would have murder. And as a result we’d be rotting in prison.

Back to my point, what kind of message is our court system sending? A lot of the concern is placed on our nations children. We think that this will influence them to do these inappropriate things, but I believe anyone with a brain can see that these are special circumstances. While millions of kids see this going on, only a small fraction of a percent will ever experience professional athletics and the money and distractions that go with it.

Every year hundreds of young men and women enter the realm of professional athletics. And every year more and more of these rookies are getting into more and more serious trouble and they get away with it in relation to how the rest of us would be sentenced. I firmly believe that unless people start stepping up, this problem will get further out of hand than it already is. It starts with our court system. I won’t say that it is corrupt, but if Lady Justice is blind, she sure as hell can smell money, fame, and athletic ability and she’s a bigger groupie gold digger than those two stupid women that follow T.O. everywhere he goes!

And to think, this whole entry was spawned from watching an old episode of Salute Your Shorts in which Donkey Lips overcomes the odds against him and wins the Capture the Flag game for his camp! Now there’s a real hero!

Sports and Abortions: They Have More in Common Than You Think!

Bill Simmons, of ESPN.com, posted an article titled Consider These Teams Officially Tortured. The article focuses on yet another heartbreaking loss for the Minnesota Vikings and then he compares their doomed existence to other infamous and damned sports franchises. Simmons also provides a list of the top 15 teams that are set up for crushing defeats as a result of their tumultuous pasts. And wouldn't you know? Three of my favorite professional sports teams made the list.

Coming in at number 9 are the Buffalo Sabres. Simmons sites the 1999 Stanley Cup and the infamous "No Goal." He also mentions sharing a city with the Bills is like getting "sprayed by a skunk once a year." OUCH!

Two of my teams cracked the top 5. At number 5, Simmons places the Cleveland Indians. Come on man, the Indians can't keep a team together to save their own lives. Simmons refers to the 1997 World Series Game 7 in which the Tribe fell to the Atlanta Braves. I think even worse than the fact that they lost is the fact that no one seemed to notice. I personally believe that the most recent and heartbreaking let down is the fact that former Indians' ace pitchers Cliff Lee and C.C. Sabathia both started Game 1 of the 2009 World Series... for teams other than Cleveland.

And finally at number 3, we have the Bills. I'm not even going to get into it. You can already guess what was said. Music City Miracle... Scott Norwood... Yuck... The only thing he doesn't bring up is Ralph "Smeagol" Wilson. At least we have that AFL title in 1965!




On another note... Tim Tebow and his mother want to air an Anti-Abortion commercial in this year's Super Bowl. What has this world come to? As a football fan, I don't want to be told about life choices during commercial breaks. The only choice I want to hear about is whether I should drink Budweiser or Bud Light. I'm all for athletes that have decent morals, Lord knows we need someone to play once everyone gets suspended for drug use or shooting people, but not during the Super Bowl. I guess the story behind this is that Tebow's mother experienced life threatening complications while she was pregnant with him and the doctors gave her the option to terminate the pregnancy. She of course chose not to. But why do you want to spend $2,500,000 to tell us about it?